He entered our offices, eyes glowing and misty and gave us a long and heartfelt description of the love of his life. He extolled her many virtues and seemingly numberless fine qualities and told us about all the many things he had done for her to make her even more beautiful, more dreamy, even more perfect….. and during this entire dialogue unfolded his beautiful wife was standing beside him rolling her eyes and tossing little pointed verbal daggers in his direction (or at us) whenever she could sneak a word or two in. This man has what I like to call a harmless obsession with his “metal mistress”. A metal mistress is usually a sportscar that he feels defines who he really is, or perhaps the car defines who he would like to be perceived as by the world. His spouse obviously views his attentions toward the metal mistress (and the subsequent money funneled in her direction) as a direct threat to her exalted position in the hierarchy of the relationship, and quite honestly, she could not be any more wrong! Ladies, let me tell you from direct experience, you want your man to have a metal mistress, yes, you absolutely do, and let me tell you why. Men need a diversion, they crave a diversion, they absolutely must have a diversion to talk about with when they hang out with other men. IMHO, there is no better diversion for your man, none more harmless, none more safe. Think about it! If all his spare change is directed towards buying expensive new wheels and tires for “her” then he will have zero dollars to spend buying expensive shoes for a flesh and blood woman… and any self serving ho-bag out to snag your man is going to want him to buy her some new shoes, in return for her special attentions. So the more he loves that car, girlfriend, the better off and the safer you are! Back to the couple in our office, he follows the parts specialist out to the warehouse with a gleeful expression on his face, very like a willing lamb being led to slaughter, and the pretty little wife drops to the sofa, adopts a defeated stance, and says to me, “Can you believe that man?” I smirk at her and share my theory of her man and his metal mistress. I tell her that if her man is always out in the garage, then at least she knows where he is at all times, and it is a bonus that he is not at the bowling alley with his buddies flirting with some little hooker. She immediately perks up and adopts the look of the proverbial cat that ate the canary, “hmmm, girl, you just might be right” – then she crowed triumphantly “haha I never thought of that” I asked her if she had named his mistress yet? She looked at me with some shock, I told her it was absolutely her right to give the metal mistress a right good trollop name, of her choosing and to tell her husband that she had personally chosen a new name for his beloved car. My phone rang, cutting our conversation short. He re-entered the office, and paid for the new trinket for his ride. The wife then purposefully stalked towards her husband, snatched his keys, winked at me and announced “Bae, I am going to be driving Ms. Jolene home today”, he looked confusedly at her, mumbled “what, who is Jolene?” Then realized almost too late that he was hearing his exhaust rumble as she revved the mighty engine to life, he glanced back at us like he was being electrocuted and bolted for the parking lot! And ladies, that is how it is done… it is up to you to make his metal mistress your new best friend!